What I believe

1. I believe that there is good in most people but it requires that we treat each other a hell of a lot better then we do now.2. I believe sex is beautiful.3. I believe in long wet kisses that last a month4. I believe that politicians have lost touch with us.5. I believe that we all take work too hard some times and need to take more time for ourselves.6. Political correctness is bullshit. If we can’t take some names how the hell are we expected to compete against others.7. What two people do between closed doors is their business and nobody else’s.8. I believe that we spend too much for foreign aid on countries that don’t need it like France, Russia and German.9. I believe that our allies did not thank us enough for the sacrifices we made during WWII.10. We spend too much time shielding our children from the real world.11. We don’t spend enough time, as couples, talking about sex.12. Red meat, in moderation, is not bad for you.13. Wine is meant to be shared with others.14. Being naked is good15. A choc cake fresh from the oven is orgasmic with a cold glass of milk.16. We don’t say I love you enough17. We all have faults and need to admit that we are not perfect.18. The holidays are the best time of year19. We don’t spend enough time pursuing our dreams.20. Too many people touch us in great ways and then leave our lives.

Are you shitting me??

In August and September, as his company is racking up the largest quarterly loss in its 93-year history, Merrill Lynch CEO Stanley O’Neal squeezes in 20 rounds of golf, including three rounds on three different courses in a single day. In October, O’Neal announces his “retirement,” walking away with a compensation package valued at $161.5 million. 

The biggest problem with America isn’t poor black children that evidently don’t “deserve” health insurance—our biggest problem is corporate welfare. 161 million is shameful….NO job is worth that”

Another year gone….

So here we are at the end of 2007 and I just want to know “where the hell did did it go?”  Ah, I know, while at work we can’t wait for the weekends and then the weekends fly by and we wonder where the hell did they go?  But then Monday comes and before ya know it Friday is here and we are already thinking of ways to get laid (that is if your single).

When I was in high school my parents kept telling me that I should cherish those moments because they are the best years of my life.  Of course I was too busy screwing off to think about that but now that when I think back I realize that they were right.  I mean think about it..what did we have to worry about in high school?  Asking people out?  Homework?  No worries…now we have to think about..how do I get laid?  Mortgage and car payments, and kissing ass at work.  Ahhh the carefree days.

I believe frankly that money is one giant pain in the ass. First you have to make enough to live, then you have to hold onto enough to live and then you have put enough away so that you can live longer.  Where is socialism when we need it?  I read that people in America are not having as much sex as before and I can see why..they are too busy trying to make money so that they can enjoy life.  First money then sex but the problem is that we are too tired in pursuit of money to have sex.

New Years eve is a non-event in my house.  3-2-1 Happy New Year !  Great another year of paying bills and working so that we can get deeper in debt.   For me I try and make everyday a special day.  Whenever I get down I just think of the blessings around me and especially in soft cuddly women with round shapes.  So another year is gone but a new one is coming and with it maybe I can learn a little about myself..maybe I can make someone smile…maybe I can do something that makes others feel good about themselves.  I don’t know what the future holds for me but I do know that this life, as screwed up as it might seem, is a gift and I need to ensure that I appreciate the gifts I have rather than the ones I want…

Corporate America can suck the life out of you

For most of my career I have worked in corporate America working for some big companies like Sony, Canon & Eli Lilly.  I am a people watcher and it’s extremely interesting to watch people become disillusioned with working for a Fortune 500 company.  They quickly learn that the bottom line is money and nothing but money.  If the program doesn’t have an ROI associated with it then it won’t fly.

What I particularly like to watch are the people who are either too stupid to speak up at meetings or too afraid to express their opinions.  I saw this a lot while working at Eli Lilly the big drugmaker.  There was always one or two people who would try and put their gonads on the table and take charge.  If someone in the lower ranks dared speaking up they were bitch slapped down or just ignored completely.  I once had the audacity to say something contrary in front of a director and was given a verbal warning because I dared speak my mind.

Now don’t get me wrong compromises are necessary in everything we do in life but when you start to retreat from what you believe then you need a good ol fashioned spankin’. 

So what have I learned in my 15 years of corporate life?  Well first is that politics can be deadly and you can spend more time covering your ass then doing work.  Second, there are enough policies and procedures to make one ill.  Where is the SOP on going to the bathroom?  Then there are the meetings and more meetings in which your mind tends to wander about what your coworkers would look like naked.

My advice is to stay away from corporate America if you can.  Work for a small company where you can make a difference and people will listen to you.  Get an office instead of a cube and above all be true to the one person that matters..yourself.

What happens when the lemonade is way to strong

So what happens when life gives you lemonade and it’s really really sour? Well there are some basic theories about that…

-Don’t get mad…get even: this is used by a lot of people but if your mad at your boss it may not pay to put a vibrator in his carry on luggage at the airport so the security screener ban ask “what is this?”.

-Get really angry: This does no good unless you have a punching bag at home plus your blood pressure will surely take a hit.

-Confront the person: People are weasels and there is some fun in watching them squirm as you confront them but most of time the results of this only last for a short time.

So what do I do…well first I do most of the time get angry but that does not last very long. I try and understand the persons motivations for being a jerk and reason with them. When that doesn’t work I like to eat beans and fart in their cube. But seriously, the trick is to not let peoples stupidity bring down how YOU act and behave around others. There will always be back stabbers and people who are out for themselves but ya know what goes around comes around. Maybe you can help the circle be completed a little faster or maybe you’ll be there when the shit finally hits the fan but when it does you will often feel sorry for that person.

I do know this..when you find a good hearted person, and I have several at work, do all you can to help them out even if it means letting them take credit for something that you did. I have found that there is no better way to make the lemonade sweeter than by helping others and have them say thank you.

When work becomes just a job

I read that nearly 80% of workers are unhappy with their jobs.  80%!!!  I can see why this is happening as I have worked for corporate America nearly all of my adult life.  Corporate America is only interested in one thing: money.  Well that’s what capitalism is all about isn’t it?  But in order to make money I believe that you should be transparent to your customers and ensure that you provide the best customer service and products possible.  It can be done, just look at Apple. 

So we go to work eager to make a difference and then slowly we become absorbed by the Borg.  We make sacrifices here and there and soon we part of the collective and only interested in paychecks and our bonus.  The sharks on Wall Street get their huge bonuses no matter how many people are screwed by the investments they recommended.

So we have in a way become slaves; slaves to our paychecks to pay the mortgage and car payments.  Who the hell has time for anything more these days.  Even sex requires a lot of us to take ED pills to get laid.  Who has time for foreplay, get naked and let’s do it and when we’re done get dressed and go to sleep.

When I was watching a 1938 version of a Christmas Carol on TV last week I was reminded how simple life was back then.  Christmas was a day off with the family and a great meal, not about iPods, video games, and how much money we spent on each other.  In a way I miss those days because every year those memories become a little bit more distant.

Is our dream job out there?  Hmmmmm, it could be but the problem is that there are way too many Managers who are clueless and don’t how to treat people. Instead they are mouthpieces for the corp line and do what they can to keep us in line.  I want a boss who will stick up for me even when I am in the wrong.  I want one who listens to me and values me as a person not an employee. I can tell you that those people are very far and few between.  That is why work is just a job but I will never sacrifice what I believe in to tow the corp line and because of that I can look myself in the mirror and sleep well at night.

Meetings to have more meetings

It seems that as I look at my career it is a trail of endless meetings. There are meetings to discuss stuff, meetings to get buy-in, meetings to plan how to have other meetings, meetings to discuss strategy that will never happen, the list is endless. No wonder American white collar workers are not productive. “Hey I have to go to the bathroom should we have a meeting to decide which stall I should use?”

Now I don’t mind productive meetings but let’s face it, how many meetings today are productive? They are usually so someone can show the group how smart he or she is or say “I’m in charge”. What really pisses me off however is the meetings where people are too busy watching out for others feelings to say what they really mean. “You’re idea sucks and the fact that you presented it indicates that you are a a complete idiot when it comes to understanding how we do things”. Just once I would like to see that happen.

Then there are the meetings where others ambush you. You know you spend time working and reworking your Power Point presentations and showing to people to get their input and then when you present it the whole group someone says something like “well, I don’t think this is the direction we want to go”. OK then, why didn’t you tell me that when I showed you the deck you dick !

I had a manager named Paula who was always trying to show people how smart she was by making people look small in meetings or just flat out ignoring them. Then there was Matt who as a brand leader always had to have the meeting revolve around him. “I am the brand leader you are scum and not worthy of a dung beetles affection”.

We all have to make compromises in life but one should not have to keep their feelings so hidden that continuing to listen to garbage could make us explode. Here’s an idea..we give people 30 seconds in meetings and if we don’t like what they are saying we are allowed to get up and bitch slap them,

Elevator Test

There will come a time for those of us in relationships when we will be tested.  I like to call this the elevator test and it infolds like this:

You’re on the road and having a drink in the hotel bar.  You start harmless flirting with a coworker or a woman at the bar and after a couple of drinks the wall around your inhibitions start to come down and the flirting becomes more serious.   You decide that you better leave the bar to stay out of trouble and as you get on the elevator to go to your room the person with whom you were flirting gives you a room key and tells you to come up in an hour.  What would you do?

First let me say that we all like to think that we would do the right thing but then that bulge in your pants does not have a consicious.  The truth is that none of us truly knows what we would do, you see this is more than a questions of do I get laid it’s a questions of “do I betray anothers trust and in so doing do I betray myself”?  As Shakespere said “ahhh, there’s the rub”.

 I have never faced that situation when I was involved in relationships so I consider myself lucky.  I remember working at trade shows in the 90’s where married men would take off their wedding bands to hit on the trade show babes.  Of course I was single at the time so I just shook my head but I am sure this happens a lot.  I once attended a semimar in Baltimore and in the ballroom next store was a Victoria Secret store managers semimar.  Needless to say that night at the bar there were some very drunk and rowdy women looking for love in all the right places.  The guy I was with was married and quickly ducked out before he “got in trouble”.  That was the smart thing to do but there were other guys there who were married and judging from the moaning in the room next store I would venture to say that someone got l

Politics

Is it me or do all politicians suck? I mean we all hear stories about the pork that is passed with bills…$3 million to fund a bridge to nowhere…$5 million to study the mating habits of spider monkeys, but then when these millionaires get out of office they continue to make all kinds of money lobbying to say nothing of the huge pensions that they get just for serving one term !

What really appalled me was to learn that Rudy Gulianni, Mr 9-11 Mayor, made between $100-$300K for speeches after 9-11 totaling more than $10 million ! This while firefighters and others who worked on ground zero were struggling to get the federal government to acknowledge that they had problems and pay for medical treatment. There is just something plain and morally wrong with that.

I have read a lot of history books and believe that if our Founding Fathers could see the government we created they would get violently ill. I believe that the reason that most of us have retreated from caring is that no matter what we do it never seems to change. Our government has become a government of the rich and well off and to people who are looking for a better life in this country we say “get the hell out”. Yes illegal aliens do put an enormous strain on our economy but they also add a lot of value doing the jobs that none of us seem to want to do. Remember the 9-11 hijackers did not cross the border illegally, they came in through legal channels.

I am frankly sick of politicians and I am looking for the anti politician to emerge. Someone who can shake the people in government and remind them that they represent US not lobbyists. That is one of the reasons that Obama is riding the wave of disenchantment to lead the polls but he doesn’t have a prayer of getting elected President.

Well shit tends to happen and in politics it seems to be sex in the 69 position: you do me I’ll do you !

Men and sex

So what’s up with men and sex? Women just don’t understand that men are always interested in looking at other woman, preferably naked. This actually pisses woman off because they think we only want them for their bodies (we do) but in actuality most men would kill to have women look at us the same way.

 Now one thing women should know is that when we meet you the first thing we do is try to envision what you look like naked and what you would be like in bed. What can I say we are shallow creatures who are always lusting after the opposite sex. Blame it on the species need to survive with a strong mating instinct.

One of my favorite things to do is try and figure out who is on dates when I go out to eat. You can always tell couples that are in the early stages of dating because the guy is real polite and the girl is doing the ol hair wave back to attract the man while thinking “I hope he isn’t a jerk like the others”.Sex between two people is beautiful, between three people it’s orgasmic. 

Now when most guys orgasm they want to roll over and go to sleep. Again this pisses woman off because they want to cuddle but once we come we just want to roll over and snore. Cuddling is foreplay and to men there is no such thing as after play.Men go through different stages of sexual arousal as we age:

20’s: We’re ready to hump any woman with a pulse. No foreplay needed just get naked

30’s: Let’s go to dinner first then come home and fuck like rabbits

40’s: You want to go again? What the hell am I a light switch?

50’s” I need foreplay and maybe I’ll have sex.

Now woman should NOT take it that we are not interested it’s just that men hit their sexual prime in their teens and it’s all down hill from there. The best time to have sex with an older man is in the morning as we usually wake up with erections and ready to mate right away.

Some things I have learned about sex and what men like:

-Talk dirty to us we love it

-The worst lover is one who is completely quiet when we’re making love to you.

-Don’t be afraid to tell us what you want and your fantasies.

-don’t be afraid to be aggressive in bed.

-Don’t wait for guys to make the first move. If you want to go to bed tell us that your want to be naked with us.

-If there is guy that you are interested in approach him and tell him that you would like to go to dinner sometime.

It’s all about communication and believe me even people who are married for a long time have a hard time communicating when it comes to their love lives. There is nothing more special and beautiful then to get naked and explore each others bodies. That’s the say part..once you have had your pleasure and your heart gets back to a normal rhythm the hard begins and that is sharing life, even for a short period of time, with that person laying next to you with the look of..”that was good let’s do it again”